Careless Whisper: Toloache (11/21/2007)

As soon as Maggie dropped into the seat across from me at Toloache; she was already looking at me expectantly.

“Well? Tell me what happened?”

After hearing rumors of my recent office reprimand, my co-workers Maggie, Dena and Ruth had offer to take me to lunch. As they looked back at me from across the table it was clear that I was suppose to sing for my supper. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

Earlier in the week, I was buried deep in the maze of cubicles that made up my office. Rumors were abounding that one of THE Company’s pint sized manager’s from a nearby office was having difficulty handling some of his employees. He was a nasty man with a raging case of short-man-syndrome, so my opinion on him was already both fully formed and negative. In the sanctuary of the cube farm, I was gossiping with Dena about the little man’s ineffectiveness at management.

“Well, Ted’s a ***** anyway” I remarked and trotted back to my desk.

Five minutes later, I was startled to see Tiny Ted himself wander by my desk. He had apparently been concealed somewhere in the cube maze when I made my comment. He said nothing to me about it, so I wrote it off as a close call, until the next day when my boss asked to see me.

The Chin had been my boss for several years and was as fond of me as he was of the 11am chicken parm sandwiches that caused him to grow the huge piece of flesh that dangled from his lower jaw. That is to say that he was on my side of the Tiny Ted issue and luckily for me, he was also Ted’s boss. Unfortunately, Ted’s little man ego had been so bruised by my comment, that he had gone up the chain of command and put a call in to corporate HR. The decision to reprimand me was out of The Chin hands.

Now I was sequestered in The Chin’s office and he was asking me if I had used the offending word. I stared back at the jowl flesh spilling over the collar of his shirt, attempting to project innocence and blinking my big blue eyes,

“No, I don’t use that word” I replied sweetly.

Ted was having none of this. He knew what he heard and I was pretty sure he wanted blood. I was also pretty sure I could squeeze out a tear if necessary. Dena was claiming no knowledge of the event and The Chin said there was little he could do without an admission on my part. Tiny Ted went into a pint sized rage. How could an underling such as myself call him a name like that? I was asked to leave the room while The Chin spoke to HR and decided my fate. Minutes later Dena emerged and pulled me aside.

“HR said that The Chin needs to do one-on-one counseling with you. Be careful what you say and who’s around when you say it. That’s your counseling.”

Back at Toloache, Maggie asked the inevitable question;

“What did you call him?”

In the words of Naughty by Nature, “It’s kinda like another way to call a cat a kitten”.

“Oh” Maggie responded picking up her drink, “Well he is a *****”

Apparently honesty is not always appreciated.

*Recognize this song title? Post in the comments section.